ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
Literature Text
There are secrets
in the darkness
to find them
is to meet your end
These secrets have
invoked terror
in our forefathers
who looked to hide
The darkness spreads
and grows every day
we cannot sadly
wish it away
We must face this
terror with stalwart hearts
and illuminate the darkness
with a spark
We need this spark
this light of all
to show the darkness
that we will not fall
this is the spark of knowledge
to be guarded with care
against the plight of darkness
of ignorance and hate
When darkness surrounds all
It can be hard to see
that we are not all different
but alike in a way
that we carry this spark
every day.
in the darkness
to find them
is to meet your end
These secrets have
invoked terror
in our forefathers
who looked to hide
The darkness spreads
and grows every day
we cannot sadly
wish it away
We must face this
terror with stalwart hearts
and illuminate the darkness
with a spark
We need this spark
this light of all
to show the darkness
that we will not fall
this is the spark of knowledge
to be guarded with care
against the plight of darkness
of ignorance and hate
When darkness surrounds all
It can be hard to see
that we are not all different
but alike in a way
that we carry this spark
every day.
Literature
#
I fell in love through a thin sheet of glass
Scraping my skin on the shards as it shattered.
And I fell asleep reaching for your hands
Dreaming of unwritten notes and dial tones.
I thought it would taste like pink lemonade,
But the way I say your name is metallic.
I thought you would be a way to escape,
But my wires got crossed and I became lost.
You're just chasing residual noise
And I'm losing my digital voice.
Literature
the ghost
I don't know what I'm waiting for,
because I am a ghost and yet
I sit on my hands and wonder
where you've been -
I walk the forest in circles,
the methodical crunch
of leaves beneath my feet
and I remember
that you made me feel small,
and alone. here I am, facing
this brilliant hue that is me and myself
and I am the ghost but somehow
you are haunting me.
Literature
Heaviness
How did it
End up like
This?
Heaviness
Settling
Upon us
Weighing us
Down
Sucking our
Soul out of
Our bodies
Leaving
Only a trace
Of life once
Lived and
Now
Emptiness
Is building
Homes in
Our skin
Suggested Collections
Featured in Groups
I'm back baby
© 2015 - 2024 Stenkuss
Comments14
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Overall Vision Originality Technique ImpactHello there! <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="
" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="391" title=" (Smile)"/> I'm writing this critique as part of BeccaJS's project: Critmas 2015!
Please disregard the star ratings. I give every piece of literature the same mid-grade because stars are inadequate for judging lit. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="
" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="391" title=" (Smile)"/> I'll start by saying that I like your message. It's very true that even when things seem most dire, there are people working for the betterment of their communities and the world. It's an important thing to remember and can be easy to overlook in the cascade of horrifying news reported by mainstream media every hour of every day.
My main point of critique would be that this poem is actually too generalized. The message is very clear, but it is also a message that anyone could have written. Good poetry is a conversation between friends over coffee on a drizzly morning in June. This read more like an advertisement for positive thinking to me, which has its place. But if you want to write a meaningful piece of work on this topic I'd recommend that you let go of the general and abstract wording and focus in on specific examples you've personally witnessed of people being that spark.
For instance, your first four stanzas are all describing some terror. But what terror? What is it that our forefathers tried to hide from? Why does finding a secret mean my end? Why would we bother trying to wish something so serious away? Surely we'd have the intelligence to know that real action is needed?
I recommend reading about people you admire who are creating those sparks you talk about, or relaying someone like that to us in a narrative style to show us what you're talking about.
As it is, this poem doesn't have anything specific enough to get a real conversation going. It's kind of like that hippy on the street corner holding up a sign that says "WORLD PEACE" but when you ask him how he wants to achieve that he comes up with some generic answer that doesn't really further the conversation.
I hope that makes some sense and gives you an idea of where to go from here. Good luck in future writings!
<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/h/h…" width="15" height="13" alt="
" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="357" title="Heart"/> Lili